Pawn Takes Bishop: The Passing Of Doctor Williams

Pawn Takes Bishop: The Passing Of Doctor Williams


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When you lose weight, toxins that your body has previously stored are released into your bloodstream to be dealt with by your liver.

Hence the need to remain hydrated.

Now, more than a century into the Aeon of Horus it occurs to me this is quite a good metaphor to understand the behaviour of the Church in the early twenty first century.

As their power diminishes, which it undoubtedly is in the First World, it releases stored toxins.

Stored toxins like the aspiring Presidential candidate who wants non-christians to leave the US and who thinks abortion is the same thing as slavery. (Seriously America, sort it out. He. Wants. To. Be. President.)

But America is a lot further behind than we are here in the expulsion of toxins. Poor things. Seems like every time the sane people take their eye off the ball for even a single second someone is trying to make women carry dead fetuses to term because that’s what cows and pigs do.

Before we continue it’s worth mentioning to the Christian-ish readers among you that this isn’t a ‘magic-bashing-Christianity’ post for two reasons.

No, this isn’t about belief. It’s about power. It’s almost an apocalypse post. (You know it’s the apocalypse when you’re siding with the Tories on issues of equality and human rights.)

It’s also about the inevitability of gay marriage in the Aeon of Horus because, as the Equalities Minister says, the church doesn’t own marriage.

Returning to the opening metaphor, gay marriage is going to release a lot of toxins because marriage is the only thing the church has left. It was against civil marriage, it was against equitable divorce laws, it was against paid maternity leave… each one diminished its powerbase and each one had to be snatched from it like a fat, mewling child and returned to its rightful owner (us). I don’t know anyone who’d leave their kids in the same room as a Catholic priest these days let alone allow them to be educated by one… so that’s also out.

“The border between the Real and the Unreal is not fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill.” -Robert Anton Wilson

Gay marriage is moving from the Unreal to the Real and, in Europe at least, the Catholic worldview is moving in the opposite direction. But not without ‘fighting to a standstill’. Here are some decidedly toxic swings from the last couple of weeks:

And just in case you get the impression this is a beat-up on the Scots, let’s have a counter rant from one of those comic/occultist/stoner/writers that Scotland is for some reason eerily good at producing, Frankie Boyle:

The late Pope John Paul II was beatified. It’s claimed he cured a woman of Parkinson’s disease. She said it was such an amazing feeling that she’s not been able to stop shaking ever since. If they’re looking for a second miracle, I’d suggest keeping a lid on decades of kiddy fiddling would be in with a shout. When JP II becomes a saint it means people can pray to him directly for help and advice, such as, ‘I’ve got a dead kid bleeding from the arse in my vestry. Who should I call?’ Coincidentally, the Vatican is updating its policy regarding sexual abuse. It’s finally made it into the top 100 commandments.

It’s his trademark shocking hilarity, sure, but then in today’s paper is Catholics “castrated at least 10 boys” for fear they were gay. And it was desperately and unsuccessfully covered up. That’s extreme child abuse even by church standards.

And I suspect that either Jason or RO (don’t know much about the rest of you and Jesus TBH) is going to say “something something liberal pastors something something”. Fine. When the liberal pastors are trying to be President we can entertain that discussion but I put it to you that it just isn’t their time yet. At the moment the power structures are entirely toxic and utterly indefensible.

There is no amount of nebulous charitable uplift that balances out castrating children or covering it up. None. Pretty sure it’s “for where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them” not “for where televised megachurches of hate sponsor Republicans…” The discussion is binary as far as I am concerned.

The toxins need to be washed out first. How do you do that?

You hold the line.

The viking of gay marriage will inevitably triumph over the shark of bigotry. Pretty sure that's in the Bible somewhere.

Something my psychiatrist father taught me was never to argue with the mentally ill.

What’s the point?

And make no mistake, believing that the creator of the universe has simian reproductive organs or cares what you do with yours indicates you aren’t right in the head. The cosmological beliefs of that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex are insane.

In the UK’s situation -much closer to the preferable end game we all seek- the best course of action is to hold the line and wait for the world to change around you. Which it is doing.

The Archbishop of Canterbury resigned a few days ago.

I’m personally sad to see him go because he’s clearly secretly pro-gay-marriage (my guess is he’ll say so day 1 of his new role). What other Christian world leader says the Bible is a metaphor and has a criminal trespass conviction from protesting against a US nuclear facility on British soil? (He was singing psalms at it.)

Can’t fault his apocalypse tactics, though. He’s leaving a field of battle that he knows he can’t win. Plus he’s landed the most amazing job where he seriously has to do nothing and it probably comes with a sweet house. Hat’s off to you doc. In my eyes you’ve almost earned it.

Being on the wrong side of history never works out. Liberalism will ultimately split the Anglican church into the backward anti-gay, anti-women African dioceses and the empty English ones. (Though I would personally attend a church that split onto the correct side of the women/gay camp and I know I’m not alone there.)

So hold the line. Don’t give any ground but don’t bother engaging, either. A worldview as bigoted and outdated as this one needs no extra assistance in collapsing. This is a permanent ‘downward market adjustment’ -they’re moving from being the lungs of civilisation to the appendix or possibly the vestigial tail. That’s the upside of apocalypses. Already more sane people are coming to the fore to replace them.

It is remarkable that, from an actuarial standpoint, it is highly likely that I will witness the legalisation (equalisation?) of gay marriage and the long overdue removal of the Lords Spiritual from the House of Lords. In our apocalyptic lifetimes we have the very real possibility of replacing the toxicity that spread so much hate and abuse for centuries with the infinitely preferable marriage of Reason and Tolerance.

Even if they are both chicks.

14 Comments

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  1. 3
    Hierax

    I’ll never be able to think about Gay marriage debates again without picturing a Viking axing a shark. Which is cool, I guess.

  2. 6
    Jow

    Eeeexcellent. Growing up Catholic at the height of JP2’s Papacy not a murmur was ever mentioned of his spectacular secrets, or the devastating effects of his AIDS policy. Being of partly Polish decent I used to like him.. now that I am an adult, less so.

    Any staunchly dogmatic religion always has the urge to essentially try to turn cats into dogs, because their dogma says that cats don’t exist.

    There is so much double think, and double talk, that one must really watch the actions of these groups, and speak loudly when they start to violate whatever they are currently violating: civil and human rights, good sense, or members of their congregations.

    Also: Santorum would be hilarious if he wasn’t so damn terrifying. Half the time when he speaks I think he is either joking, or I am clearly going insane, and could not have possibly heard that.

    Also Also: Where DID you find a picture of a viking fighting a shark?
    Jow´s last blog post ..Laurels for the Wife Elect!

  3. 7
    RO

    Naw man, I’m a Christian, but the church is an evil bitch. She’s Christ’s bitch, so, you know, whatever. He always did have a thing for whores with no manners. There’s no accounting for my brother’s taste in women.

    If she were a proper Christian Woman the way the evangelicals would have her be, she’d stay in the kitchen and let the men-folk handle the politics.

    The only thing the Church is SUPPOSED to do is love Jesus and serve him. There’s nothing in the Bible about creating the Kingdom of God on Earth through political activism. Just a bunch of stuff about loving your neighbor as yourself, and being nice to people, respectful, kind.

    I support gay marriage unconditionally.
    RO´s last blog post ..Red Work Course Package Update

  4. 9
    inominandum

    I am with RO here. No crying about Liberal Pastors. The Church and the religion in general – at least the part that speaks the loudest have missed the message and NEED to be body slammed.

    I am all for gay Marriage and basically support every effort for it. It is an inevitability.

    Funny enough the topic came up yesterday with a family member. It went like this:

    “How would you feel if your son turned out gay and wanted to marry?”

    Um, I would throw him and his beau a big ass party and wish him well. Seriously, out of all the things a parent has to worry about for their child, you think being Gay rates AT ALL?

  5. 11
    Jonquil

    The worst part about Santorum is that he stands a good chance of being elected, should he get the nomination.

  6. 12
    Apel Mjausson

    I wish we had the choice of not arguing with the lunatics. But over here that means they have their way. Laws requiring invasive ultrasounds are already the law in Texas and Arizona. It was only averted in Virginia because people got angry. Complacency is not the answer here.

    I take your point that the wing nuts are doing this because they feel threatened by all the progress for groups they used to be able to control. But I also agree with Simon that toxins aren’t supposed to fight back. On this side of the pond, it feels more like an immune-suppressing virus.

    There seems to be a massive break-down of trust in US society. When you talk about politics, the underlying emotion for most people seems to be suspicion toward all others. The flip side of that is “I’ve got mine.” It’s very ugly.

  7. 14
    Gordon

    Okay so I went with toxins because I was going for a whole ‘they’re shrinking in power and influence’ thing. But if we want to factor in fighting back how about… secondary infection as a result of bariatric surgery?

    Not quite as neat. :)

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